badBADweek~
Saturday, March 17, 2007
There are too many things inside of my mind that urge me to blog soo much....Just to let myself pour everything out from my heart & mind.However it is a bit uncomfortable for me to talk to people face to face as i have no idea from where should i begin with.
I used to be a planner.I planned things before the year starts and most of the time,everything goes smoothly.But,recently,things does not go the way that i wished.
Before the beginning of this week,i've already had the thought of how this week is going to be.But,in just a short one week time,things around me went upside down.I'm now lost in the middle of no where.No direction that seems right for me to walk in.No doors are seems to be welcoming.Me and my family just can cling to each other,hold on to each other,and also supporting each other.We felt the feeling of darkness and helpless,going through the deepest,darkest and at the same time,it seems to be soo hopeless period in our entire life.Last week,everything are just seems to be fine,or maybe i should say that it is fine for just ME.And all the way,i've missed out somebody ori can say is everybody in my family,or just people around me...I've abandoned their feeling,their thoughts... I,being so self-centered,just keep on,trying soooo hard and going into any possible way that can let me escape.Escape from every single problemsin my life.I cried for countless nights,tears just rolled down on my cheeks unexpectedly.Yes,by crying,this is helping me to release and relieve.But,after everything,the problems are stil there.Now,i think back al these things,i felt that i'm so silly and stupid to escape from everything.When i'm scare,i escaped,i dare not go home,etc..The problems not only does not disappear but troubles seems to had become our family's regular visitor.In just less than one week time,lotsa thing happened in my family again.My sister,my grandma especially....Everything that happened makes me feel sooo horrible suddenly.But now,i'm not gonna step back like what u used to do before.I'm going to keep moving on,i'm going to defend!!!!!!!!I'm going to guard my family with my prayers!!Let God lead us in this war.Let Him wins the battle for us...I'll stay behind the line and gurad them with my prayer.Although i do not know what is His purpose to allowed all this 'bad visitors' comes to our life so suddenly.But,i still believe that He are always by our side,listening to each of our prayer and cries as well as every single heartbeat inside.I wanted and i've already decided to trust in Him from the beginning and it does not change until now nor will it be in the future....I also believe that when one had fell into the deepest and darkess valley in his life,this is the time that our God shows his Glory to us.Having a great faith in Him although the outcome seems to be unseen and soo far ain't an easy thing.But i still never change....i have faith in God.If it is not Your will,then please lead them back....:)
